I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
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