Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Randomize
