Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
