meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
he thought i was a dude.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
