If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Randomize
