I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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