Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
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