Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Randomize
