My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
wow bdsm is so cute
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