i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
