I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
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