It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
