Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
Randomize
