Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
Randomize
