I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
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