he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Randomize
