sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
Randomize
