There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
lets start a swedish sibling band together
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
