Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
Be still, my beating vagina.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
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