My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
I am one with the molecules
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
Randomize
