Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
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