I murdered the dance floor call the cops
Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
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