my mouth tastes like poor choices
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
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