now i know why i became what i already was.
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
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