and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
Randomize
