He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
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