I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
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