You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
