were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
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