i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize
