This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize
