I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
