Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
Randomize
