i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
I love the progression of these pictures. I go from cute to Courtney Love
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Randomize
