I just saw a hot homeless man
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Randomize
