I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Randomize
