cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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