Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
