My hand turned me down
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
No subtext here. People are naked.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
Randomize
