Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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