I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
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