Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Randomize
