I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Randomize
