Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
Randomize
