So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
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