my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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