Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
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