I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
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