I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
Randomize
