i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize