i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
Randomize
