hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
Randomize
