actually, I'm a sock model
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
